Otherwise Engaged by Joanna Barker

Author:Joanna Barker [Barker, Joanna]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Covenant Communications, Inc.
Published: 2020-10-11T18:30:00+00:00

Chapter Fifteen

The carriage ride home with Mama was silent, but that was certainly not the case inside my own mind. My conversation with Nicholas—or, rather, argument—played again and again. He had been impulsive and temperamental, accusing me of interfering in his and Olivia’s relationship. Hadn’t he?

I’d just been trying to help Olivia, be her advocate. Why had he snapped at me so? She could be vexing, of course, but Nicholas had no sense of what the girl needed. This was not a naval frigate at high sea; discipline would never have the effect he desired. Although Olivia pretended indifference, it was clear to me now that she was acting. I only wished I knew why.

Well, that was not the only thing I wished I knew. The twisting inside me was as baffling as Olivia’s refusal. But I was determined not to feel guilty. Nicholas needed to know his method of dealing with Olivia was not working.

I put our argument from my mind and focused instead on convincing Mama that I was perfectly all right. Between our conversation about Mr. Hambley and my reaction to Nicholas in town, I had no doubt she still worried over me. Through the rest of that afternoon and evening, I did my best to appear as if everything was just as it should be. At dinner, I relayed an entertaining story Sarah had told me about her trip, ensuring my voice was carefree. I teased William about his too-long hair, even as he insisted he was too busy to find time for a trim, and I plied Juliana with questions about how she was feeling, hoping to avoid any discussion about our visit with her that day.

When I finally retired to my room that night, the stars hanging low in the sky, I sank into the chair beside the window, thoroughly exhausted. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes, and of course, Nicholas’s face appeared, irritation in every line of his face.

My own words came back to me, ringing sharply against my skull. Or do you expect her to simply obey you without question? I’d tossed that at him without thinking, but I knew now it was my own frustration speaking. William set rule after rule about my riding, not realizing I was perfectly able to understand my own limits. Then both he and Mama demanded I stay away from Edward and his family but told me no details as to why. And now I had reason to doubt my own father’s integrity yet did not dare question my family about it, entrenched as they were in their prejudices.

I squeezed my eyes even tighter. I should not have said what I had to Nicholas. As little as I knew about my own family, clearly there was far more I did not know about his. He had been right: he lived day in and day out with Olivia. I saw her but rarely. How could I think to know her better? No wonder he had been so heated.

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